Four Lettered Word
by songstobesung
Summary: He was remembering how to love her again. She had gone down a dark path, and it was no one's fault, not his nor hers. It was love's way of tricking the mind into thinking anything is possible. And love is always right. AU. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Idly sitting by, she looks out of her window, the spring flowers blooming outside. The green grass, the warm air, and the blue sky welcome her, and yet she finds herself inside, wearing what she wore yesterday, the faintest hint of cigarette smoke on her clothing, and red eyes. She brings the covers closer to her chest, and lets the tears fall, like they have for the past seven years. She remembers the way his face contorted into such hurt (it's the only word to describe it). She remembers the way he helped the others, and left her to survive alone. She remembers the cold slushies in her face, once more, and then when they left high school, she remembers how he didn't hug her.

The days go on by, and she isn't getting jobs. The cigarette smoke keeps her from being too hungry, living on Avenue A. Of course, there isn't anyone helping her pay, and she is evicted from the cold home, onto the summer streets of NYC. She takes the motion as a life change, and goes out and does whatever the hell she wants. After being told 'no' for the thousandth time, she simply asked if there was a way they'd say yes. The casting director lifted his eyes, and kissed her on the lips. She kissed back, their tongues dancing so perfectly.

Their bodies moved into one another, her hips thrusting themselves onto him. He moaned with pleasure, and she landed the role after her virginity was taken from a strange man. She, of course, nailed it (no pun intended) and was soon the top list on every director. The first one, however, gave her something to keep her going. He'd tell the others about her past, how she was addicted to junk, and drank alcohol like it was water. They didn't care. She was cheap (in more ways than one) and worked like no one's business. They took her in, and destroyed her.

After a particularly bad session with the director, she walked out, taking her vodka with her, and downed the whole bottle. Even for someone who was a heavy drinker, it was strong and she liked the feeling of being like this. She danced everywhere, and sang whatever she wanted. Who the hell were they, telling her what she could and couldn't be? Her dress was short, her tights were ripped, and her heel broke. A familiar face (she had forgotten his name though.) recognized her. She giggled, a hiccup escaped her lips.

"Who are you, handsome?" She tripped, and stumbled on him. His smile wasn't there. Why wasn't he smiling? Was she not pretty? Her smile formed into a scowl, and she pushed him away, only to have herself fall on the dirty concrete, not the tall man before her. He didn't scowl, nor did he smile. He simply helped her up, and she leaned on him, her breath tasting of vodka.

"What's your name?" He asked her. She looked around, and up and saw his face. Everything was spinning. She tried to stand up but her legs didn't work. She tried to twirl around, and smile with bright eyes but nothing was making sense. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the mix of drugs she did before all this happened, but this man made her feel bad, and good, and loved (even though she doesn't remember the feeling) all over again.

"Rachel Berry." She feels her eyes close, and her body heave. She throws up all the drink before her, and he doesn't care. All she knows is that he just swept her into his arms. She doesn't know his name, or how she knows him, but she knows he cares for her, and that's all that matters right now. She doesn't realize that she's passed out, but when she wakes up on his couch, in his an unfamiliar shirt. It smelled like Downy, fresh and new. Her head throbbed, and not wanting to think unwanted thoughts, she simply fell back into a slumber.

He was brewing fresh coffee, drinking it black. He took a sip, and looked at the ever so thin girl before him. No, not thin, but skinny. Her ribs were slightly visible through the thin layer of skin. She shivered, and he grabbed a blanket to set over her. If this was a movie, he'd kiss her forehead, and wipe away the obvious amount of sweat over her. Though, this wasn't a movie, and instead he placed the blanket over her, and tried to remember what she looked like. He remembered her so clearly, in the past.

She stirred, once more, and instead of a peaceful line, a sleepy smile crept onto her face. He grinned his signature lopsided grin, before going back to his room to get out the paperwork he needed to fill out for her in rehabilitation. Maybe she'd forget about him, one day. But, for now, it was him who needed to forget about him. Many years ago (to be exact, he think, seven) he pushed out her because she hurt him. And when he could look her in the eyes, it was too late. It wasn't that he didn't love her; it was simply he had forgotten how to love her. He felt awkward giving her a hug, back then. He found a picture of them, smiling at each other. He smiled, and all those teenage emotions surged through him once more. He set down the picture when he heard her whimpering.

"Rachel, what's wrong baby?" The 'b' word slipped out, and she stared at him, her eyes wide and scared.

"Who, who are you?" She screamed, clutching herself, and the blanket closer. "Where am I?" She closed her eyes, trying to shut out everything. Her head throbbed with pain from a hangover, and the lack of drugs. She was going crazy; where was her needle? Where was her stash? Pure, pure stash?

"I need my stash." Her voice quivered with anticipation. She was use to them hurting her when she was going like this, eyes wild. She needed something to calm her down. Of course, he wasn't aware of how bad it was. Instead, he brought her sweaty body to him, and tried to calm her down, stroking her sweaty skin, and kissing her forehead till she fell back asleep.

He set her back down, and told her that they'd fix her one step at a time.

And then Finn Hudson kissed Rachel Berry's stained lips.

He was remembering how to love her again. She had gone down a dark path, and it was no one's fault, not his nor hers. It was love's way of tricking the mind into thinking anything is possible.

And love is always right.

* * *

**This is my first Finchel centerd story I am publishing :) I'd seriously like to thank my friend, _Tribbith, _for helping me (and reading all my Finchel drabbles! Thanks sweetie!). I have been in a very writing mood lately, and my Finchel muse has been knocking on my door. After watching Rent with my madre, I was inspired by the song 'Without You'. And then, I combinded an old story idea into it. Well, here ya have it:) A semi-long author's note. I hope you all enjoy! **

**-Madi**


	2. Chapter 2

She woke up to a bright room, again, and a man hugging her cold body close to his warm one. The small smile on his lips made her tingle with excitement, and she cuddled back in, listening to his heart beating ever so peacefully underneath his chest. She breathed in time with the slow drum of his heart, and she felt at ease. Again, she fell asleep, trying to ignore the withdrawal symptoms she'd be having soon. One can only go so long without the thing she desires the most, without the harsh snap of the tongue, and without the world spinning around. She grasps his shirt, and gasps for air, seeing how bright everything is. Clear eyes show the world harshly though, and she remembers the stinging words, the harsh snap of the tongue, and the world spinning round and round. The hazy fog has been lifted, and she wants it back.

He groans, getting up, only to see that a young woman around his age is on top of him. He looks dazed for a second, but soon she is greeted with a warm smile, and he knows it's her. She is whimpering, sweat forming once more on her smooth skin. He kisses her forehead, and feels how not her it's like. The smell of strawberries has left her skin, and there's not a hint of glowing warmth. He frowns, but quickly looses the expression when she notices it. He runs his hand through her hair, shushing her. It'd be better if she slept when he filled out the paper work, seeing as he knew nothing and would have to steal her phone (does she even have one?) to get some information. But, she is wide awake, and shaking.

"Where is my needle?" Her voice quivers, slightly. Her eyes are red from crying, and from lack of sleep, but they're still that warm brown that looks inside you, and warms you up from the tips of your toes all the way to the top of your head, and they still make his heart glow. He still feels that way whenever he sees her. Of course, he ignores the light inside him, and asks if she wants some coffee. Her eyes sparkle, and he knows coffee is a luxury she can't afford (does her money go to her needle?) and he gets her a cup.

"You drink it with a splash of half and half with two packets of sugar still?" She nods, eagerly, and he makes the drink willingly. The cup he holds he is still holding in her shaking hands. She grins, and takes a sip, not noticing how hot it is. On accident, she drops the cup, but he catches it, skillfully. Not a drop comes out, and she stares in awe.

"Okay, Rachel, I'm going to ask you some questions." He tells her. She nods, and he gets out the sheet of paper.

After going through certain things, like social security number, where she lives (or use to live, in this case. He writes down his apartment address) and he asks how long as she been a junkie.

She answers with a few names, but not a date. She thinks back, but can't remember. She becomes scared, because where the hell as her life gone, and she starts to cry, because her head is pounding, and her heart is racing and she dropped the damn coffee cup. He sets down the paper, and takes her into his big arms, and wraps his arms around her too tiny waist, and kisses her forehead, saying everything was going to be okay, though he didn't know if it was. But she believed he'd fix her, and she couldn't help but believe him.

"I'm taking you to this place. Okay? I'll visit, but you're going to have to get by without me. It'll help you get past eth physical stuff, alrighty?" She nods, and he sweeps her up. Her body fits perfectly into his, and a dirty part of her wonder's about the other places she'd fit into. But, she can't think those thoughts because she doesn't know his name, and he knows hers. It's odd, but a part of her doesn't want to know his name, because he's just some stranger.

He calls for a taxi, but its rush hour and there's not a taxi to be filled. He curses under his breath, and with her still in his arms, they head back to his apartment. She shakes again, not from emotions, but from the need of the substance that contains her whole. She begs, and he says no. She screams, and he doesn't kiss her forehead this time, but instead, takes her harsh words and rips up the picture of them in Glee, so it's just them and no one else. He throws her the picture, but doesn't kick her out.

He sees her stare, in awe, of who they are. She traces their faces, and looks at their glowing skin. He stares at her as she cries and wails, and holds herself close to her shaking body and watches her heave in the sink. But, whenever she looks at that picture, a ghost of a smile comes back on her face, and he remembers the innocence that use to be there. He smiles, and watches her clutch that picture like a lifeline. He watches her chest rise and fall, with no particular rhythm. He brings the blanket to her again, and puts it over her as she shivers. She looks up, still in a sleepy mode, and smiles.

"My name is Finn Hudson." He tells her, and she smiles in her sleep again. A part of him wants to capture that smile, and keep it forever. But, instead of capturing it, he goes to his room, and falls asleep. He wants to love her again, but she's broken beyond repair right now and needs help. He'll do everything to help her, but there was a time when he was the one who needed her.

This isn't high school anymore, he scolds himself. But the social hierarchy remained the same. He was doing well for living in NYC. A little richer than most, but nothing to be boasting about. She was still the bottom of the heap. But, he didn't care. Even though it was too early to be awake in the morning, he couldn't sleep, and watched her chest fall up and down as she slept and dreamed wild dreams about him. He didn't know about the dreams, but watching her sleep peacefully, picture still in her hands, was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in a long, long time.

He kissed her cheek, and whispered softly in her ears.

"I love you."

And Finn Hudson softly sang into Rachel Berry's ears.

"I'll stand by you."

* * *

**Thanks for reading so far everyone! I have decided this will be a fourshot story (only one more chapter, and then I just have to put them up!) Anyways, yet again, thanks to my lovely dear, _Tribbith_, for reading this, and just being plain awesome:) (if you all haven't checked out her stories, they are major Finchel loving). I am also giving another author a loving shoutout, _Egyouppt_  
who has written a great Finchel sex story called 'Utilities', I highly suggest you all read it, as it is funny and witty as it is sexy and hot:) **

**Have a great rest of the day everyone!**

**-Madi**


	3. Chapter 3

_Babe, they whisper, you're too pretty to be standing there alone. Come closer, they take a sip, and sing us a little song. They watch her body move to the music, and they watch her ass go up and down. They listen to her sing beautifully, but there is something missing, oh yes, there is something missing. They watch her, and they give her all she wants, only to send it tumbling from her once more, only to give her a little this or a little that, just to satisfy their needs. She doesn't go big, mostly an Off-Broadway starlet, but she smiles and she waves and she accepts their gin filled kisses, and their passionate nights and the slaps and the sneers and the words that go with them. They give her something to keep her energized, and they give her their gin filled kisses, and then they give her some more. They give her the rum when she needs to be mellow, and they give her the junk when she needs to see. They give her everything, and then tear her down so they feel in control. But, she gets to sing, so she's wining, right? No, not really. It's mostly lies that they feed her in their gin filled kisses that make everything better, and it's the sadness that tears her down._

She wakes up, and notices her mouth doesn't taste of their gin filled kisses, but of puke and coffee. She looks around, and sees a man coming to her. His touch is soft, and she takes it, and the strands of last night's song leave her head. She places her head in his chest, and cries, her knees shaking, and her body shaking. He kisses her head, and they go to the place he told her about. She watches him sign her in, and when they ask how he knows her, he shrugs and says, "Old friend." But the way he says it makes her wonder if they were ever friends. They take her, and she feels herself becoming different, again, but he visits, now and again.

She remembers his name, it's on the tip of her tongue one day and when he leaves, she says it.

"Finn."

And he hears her, but doesn't turn around. He doesn't, because he doesn't want to know her, she thinks. He's no better than those gin filled kisses. In fact, he's worse because one night, many nights ago, he told her he loved her. But, this wouldn't have been so complicated if she didn't love him right back. So, she takes her medication, she listens without hearing the words, and when she is gone from that place, she marches up to him, and smacks his face.

"What the hell?" He asks, and sees her. She is fuming, but her skin glows, and her eyes are no longer clouded. She smirks, just a little, and he starts to hear her rant, and he feels like they're back in high school (and for all it's worth, they could be. It certainly seems like that some days.)

"You just leave me there, and you just wanted me, and you love me and goddamnit it Finn, I still love you. I never wanted to do that with Puck, I just wanted it to be the pain that I felt, even though it was mostly jealousy surging through me. I was jealous of Santana because she got to have you, for one night. I wanted to be Santana, because that would have meant you chose me over all of them. You once shrugged off saying I wasn't as hot as all the other girls, and I thought it was because you just wanted them. But, god Finn, if I could take back any moment, it'd be telling you how much I loved you. And maybe, everything would be different, and then I wouldn't like you and you'd be in love with Quinn instead of some fuck up talking to you now. Is that what you want?"

She felt his lips on her, and his hand cupping her face. There was passion coming through, and the way he held her close to his body was the way she always wanted him to hold her. She kissed back, her lips tingling, her tongue roaming into his. Rain fell over them, but it didn't bother them. They were too caught up in the way the other felt to them, the way their tongues danced in their mouth, the way his hand caressed her face, the way her hands twisted in his hair. They kissed till their lips were chapped, and when they broke away, they were both soaked to the bone.

"If I didn't love you, would I have kissed you?" He asked, grinning. She grinned back, and leaped on him for a hug. He hugged back, drinking in the scent that was her. Her scent was rain water; her scent was the strawberry lip gloss she preferred; her scent was the sterile clean scent of a lemony fresh rehabilitation center; her scent was the one that made his heart go faster, made the world not revolve around him, but of what they could become.

Hand in hand, they walked to his apartment, and when they got there, it'd take more than the forces of anyone to tear them apart. She dropped her coat, and he dropped his. They stared at one another, and when their lips touched, they caressed and stripped and rolled together, touching and loving and saying one another's name. It may have been too fast for some, but this is something they had wanted to do since they fell in love. He wanted her; she wanted him.

It was not either one of their firsts, but it was the first time they could tell the other, 'I love you' and mean it with all their heart, their souls and their minds. They stayed together, a ring on her finger, and it was simple. Simple, beautiful and loving.

One day, he started to slip away.

And she knew what he was experiencing when she was the one who was gone. He'd wake up, and accuse her of little things, such as where the remote was, or who took his coffee cup. She'd calm him down, but there was little they could do.

One night, she sang to him, and he talked about the girl in high school like she wasn't there.

She cried herself to sleep that night, and he didn't comfort her.

Rachel Berry was scared for Finn Hudson.

How things have changed.

* * *

**CLIFFHANGER! RAWR! Yes, I am being evil and cliffhangering you all to the ends of the earth. Be glad that the next chapter is written, and I know what I'm going to do with it:) The last chapter will be up tomorrow. THanks so much for reading this little fourshot. I am planning to do a Finchel story one day. Right now, I'm going back to a writer's block, so BOO!:( But, thanks for reading and keep on reviewing! Makes my day very very happy and wonderful and super aweshome my dears!**

**-Madi**


	4. Chapter 4

She never took him to a living facility. And she never thought of what he had. The word scared her, and when those damn commercials for medication for it came on, she turned it off and left the room. His look of confusion only brought her more distressed, but she would refuse help from others. Even in her old age, she was very independent when it came to him. Every night, he'd ask for her. And when she'd come, he'd kiss her, but sometimes he didn't, because he didn't remember her at this age, but a younger more vibrant shade of her. She use to be a passionate red to contrast with his mellow and helpful blue, but they both have mixed in with other pallets to create a dusty shade of pink and a dim blue.

His blue would turn white, and sometimes it wouldn't be there some days. He'd ask for his parents, and she'd somberly and carefully tell him that they weren't there, and he couldn't see him. She'd cry when his old raspy voice filled the room with _Faithfully_, and he'd wonder where his mezzo-soprano with more of an alto quality wasn't joining in. He'd cock his head to her, and she didn't have all the answers. And some days he'd ask who she was, and she'd tell him everything, from the age they fell in love, to the middle, and back to now. But by the time she'd explain everything, he'd have forgotten how the story went.

Alzheimer's. Her husband had it. She use to think that it was God's way of getting back at her for being the way she was. But that theory died as quickly as it came in. Now, she'd just take care of him, and slowly kiss him, and sometimes listen to the way he cared for her about forty or years ago (time flies by so quickly, everyday, she forgets how fast the years go by.)

"Her eyes, they are so warm and brown. Yesterday, she sang with me. She sings so beautifully. And I see all the time, even in my dreams. She's like this angel, and she's so pretty. Did I tell you that? She's so very pretty. Too bad I lost her. I was such an idiot for letting her go. That Rachel Berry. She'll never know I love her now, since I'm sure she's going to be famous, and won't give a damn about me, one day. Until that day, I'm going to love her. And even when that day has come, I'll still love her because she's my Rachel Berry…" He'd drift off to sleep, and she'd cry and say.

"I am your Rachel Berry, Finn, I am! I love you, and I didn't sing with you yesterday, and I just want you back, but you're here, but you're not." And she'd cry though the whole night because she wanted him to remember, and she didn't want anyone's help doing it. She'd let a few people in, but she was building walls between the world, and them. She was sick and tired of people, and she was sick and tired of all of this.

One day, she decided to sing. She hadn't sung since she was that terrible twentysomehting year old with a bad habit for alcohol and drugs and sex and kisses from her directors. She sang 'Without You' and she stared at him the whole time, because she was without him sometimes. He didn't recognize that song. She opened her mouth to sing again. She was crying, and she sang 'Faithfully' and he joined in with her, his eyes recognizing her, and he held her and they sang. They sang and they sang. They fell asleep in one another's arms.

When they woke up, he asked who she was, and wondered where he was, and he screamed at her, and she took him and kissed him, but he didn't want her kisses today. She sobbed, and he walked around, wondering where the hell he was.

Everything was different, disorientated. He didn't understand. He wanted to understand, but yesterday was high school right? Where was his X-Box? No, it wasn't high school. The days blurred into something different, and when he looked in the mirror, he didn't recognize himself, and fear ran up his spine. A girl, a woman, an old fucking lady came in the view, and her eyes were the warm eyes of the girl he loved.

"Rachel?" He asked, his voice shaking. She ran, and hugged him, and it was her. He hugged her back, holding one another. It was a blessing, she thought, a blessing to have him back for just a day, just one more night, she asked the God above, and then she'd be happy. She just wanted to have him once more.

They held one another till the moon went up. When he opened his eyes, she wasn't breathing, and he looked out the window, and one star was shining brighter than them all. He smiled, and remembered what her metaphor was.

Gold stars. That star shined a golden light, brighter than all the others, much brighter. His eyes didn't well with tears, and he kissed her dead lips one more time, and he smiled, because that bright star had a glowing one beside it, and he felt himself dimming as the other grew brighter, and stronger.

There were two shining stars that night, and it looked as if they were touching one another, holding each other in their light, basking in one another's warm, and smiling at one another as lover's do. Sure, it had been one hell of a ride, but love was the four lettered word that shined through that star. New lovers stared in awe of the shining stars, and they kissed underneath them, and they smiled. Middle aged ones held their children, and the children stared in awe of those two stars, and it didn't matter if there was a story behind them or not, but those children made one up. One girl, who was forty something with long blonde hair and hazel eyes that were greener than brown smiled at the sight, holding her infant in her arms, and her little boy staring in awe of them. And those who were old in their age just smiled at the beauty.

Those stars showed every night where love shone.

Love. That four lettered word that could change your life, changed theirs.

When they found them, they looked at their peaceful faces, and they smiled just a little, before the tears fell.

Rachel and Finn.  
_Forever Faithful._

_

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**Pretty much this is the end. Did you like it? I did:) So that was the four letter word. Love. Love, love, love love. I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! This is the first time I've really attempted Finchel, and I hope I did the amazing pairing justice! Did you all notice the cameo of Beth (the fourtysomething blonde?) I just thought I'd put her in there, because Beth was on my mind. If you didn't notice, then she's just a random blonde person:D**

**Anyways, thanks for reading! And leave a review:) I'd love to see your thoughts on the story as a whole! **

**-Madi**


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